Jaspers Bloodlust
by sherubii
Summary: Renesmee's six month birthday party ends badly, and Jasper leaves the Cullen family.
1. Chapter 1

**POV: Jasper**

It seems that, yes, I do envy Bella, but not for the love she shares with Edward. She has everything she's ever wanted, Edward, a house of her own, to be part of our family, and a young half-human child. I envy her and Edward for their amazing will-power not to kill or even taste this young child, Renesmee. Her blood, its scent. It's almost as taunting as Bella's was. Maybe more.

I am not around her often, no barely ever, and this is due to the problem of my lack in self restraint. She asks for me occasionally. She's learning, and very quickly, that I could cause her pain, and quite possibly kill her. It's quite amazing how a child, even if she's vampire or not, could be so knowledgeable at such a young age. She knows that the Volturi are bad, I could kill her, and Jacob is everything she's ever wanted, and everything she'll ever want.

The pain that fills my body when she's around is almost unbearable. It's so tempting to just bite her at any moment, filling my body with her beautiful mahogany, sweet tasting blood. But the wrath following Renesmee's death would be something to avoid. Six revenge seeking vampires, and sixteen werewolves, due to the imprinting rule. I'd be dead for sure.

Though, if I leave, Alice will feel that she must come too. She loves this family too much to leave it behind, as we did only a few months before, when the Volturi were attacking. She hated that more than anything. It killed her to leave when she needed too, but to leave now when she doesn't need to would destroy her. She does love me, and I love her in return, but would she leave this family for me?

The iridescent lights shone through into my room. Alices doing. Renesmee was only 6 months old, and they were having a party. Wow, seems Renesmee has made a huge influence on the family. I looked to the door as Alice entered, her small purple cocktail dress barely covering her knees. She grinned at me, her hands swinging past her sides as she danced her way toward me.

"C'mon Jazzie! This will be great!" She said, her grin reaching her ears, as she grabbed my hand and kissed my forehead.

"Alice, Is this not in anyway similar to Bella's birthday just a few years ago?" I asked, the frustration radiating through the room. Alice's emotions felt light. She was quite happy. I knew I was dampening them with my frustration and rage. This made me angrier. Alice sighed, pulling me off of my spot on the bed. I left a dint in the sheets.

"No. Jasper, you're forgetting I can see everything that will happen. And you wont kill Renesmee, don't worry." She whispered, just before we exited our room. Before leaving, she kissed me once lightly.

"Yeah, I won't **kill** her…" I said, knowing there was another meaning under her sentence.

"Jacob is here isn't he?" I asked, shaking my head once. She didn't reply as she led me down the stairs, walking first in front of me. As we descended, I heard the cute, tiny laugh of Renesmee, and the booming, rough laugh of Jacob. Then the smell hit me. A mix of beautifully scented blood, and werewolf. She even made the werewolf smell good. I groaned very lightly in frustration and Alice stopped walking to slap me in the stomach. My groan ceased, and then together we descended the last few stairs.

Alice was the first of us to receive a hug from Renesmee, everyone of my family, Jacob included, hovered, waiting for her to move to me. My eyes stayed on Renesmee as her beautiful features smothered my lovely wife. Her smell now reaching my safe perimeter. Edward, reading what I was thinking, nudged Emmett, who then came to stand beside me... On me, rather. Renesmee pulled away from Alice, a smile that showed all her white teeth gleaming, and time seemed to slow.

Emmett pushed hard down on my foot, and Renesmee stepped slowly towards me, her arms outstretched. Edward's alerted face turned from me, to Renesmee, then to Bella. Bella's worried face was now fixated on her daughter, her outstretched hands and my face. My eyes left Renesmee, and went to Alice, whose face had a stern expression upon it; she seemed to be the only one who trusted that I could do this. I was much undecided at this moment. I would do everything to stop myself from making a feast out of Renesmee, despite how difficult that may be.

My eyes ran back to Renesmee.


	2. Chapter 2

Before the hug had ceased, Renesmee's blood was already in my mouth, trickling down my throat in a stream. I groaned. Almost immediately, upon seeing my head fall into her neck, Edward had pulled Renesmee from me. I attacked him, almost ripping Edwards's ear off. Bella took Renesmee, Rosalie close behind, and she ran from the house. Carlisle followed, and together, they ran to Bella's humble abode. Emmett ripped me away from Edward, and threw me against a wall. The second I touched the wall, his strong grip had forced me to stay there. I growled at Emmett, my arms flying, trying to break his grip.

I kicked my faithful brother in the groin, and tried to break away again; this time, succeeding. Heading for the door, I was tackled by Edward. He pinned me to the ground, growling down at me. He began shouting in my face, but was soon pulled away by the Jacob, who was profusely shaking, and Emmett came to me, pinning me to the ground.

Jacob had bolted outside, changed into his werewolf form, and chased after Bella, Renesmee, Carlisle and Rosalie. Edward joined him, running after him towards the house to check on Renesmee.

Alice's judgemental eyes searched me for an answer. I looked up at her, regret, pain, and sorrow deep in my eyes.

"Alice..." I whispered, as Emmett still held me in place. I started to shake, trying to break free, and he moved his hands to my wrists. Alice's petite body moved to my feet, and, much to her distain, she held me by the ankles. I tried lifting my head to look at Alice. I was successful only to lift it slightly past my shoulders. Right at this moment, I felt stupid. Hated. I hated myself for hurting Renesmee. I had to leave; I knew it.

"Alice... please..." I begged. I knew that if she could cry, tears would be streaming down her face.

Her invisibly tear-stained face was directed up at mine; they finally let me stand. Her furious eyes frowned at me, waiting for an answer. An Excuse. I had been screamed at by the majority of the family. Especially because Renesmee had shown them what she remembered, and they felt the unbearable pain of my teeth sinking into their necks, taking a few drops of blood. Edward had told me that Bella had stayed back at her home with Carlisle and Renesmee. If Bella had seen me now, Edward knows I wouldn't be alive tomorrow. It seemed as if both Edward and Bella now despised me.


	3. Chapter 3

I was sitting in my room, the same place as that fateful day, with a suitcase at my feet, as Alice entered. Her face seemed more invisibly tear-stained then before. I felt terrible, yet I wanted more of Renesmee's beautiful tasting blood. I needed to leave before I hurt her again.

"How is she?" I strained to ask, taking a glance at her, then back at the suitcase. It was unbearable to watch her.

"Fine." Alice replied, probably lying. I would've demanded to see her if my family actually liked me at this moment. My gaze ran to Alice as she took a few steps into the room and ceasing on her as she stopped.

"Alice..." I pleaded, standing. Her tearless sobs began.

"You're leaving me, Jasper, Aren't you?" She asked, knowing the answer better than I did.

"I didn't plan for this to happen, Alice."

"Answer me, Jasper!" She shouted. I heard muffled sounds drifting up from the lounge room, where Esme, Emmett and Rosalie sat. My head automatically shook

"Don't lie to me, Jazz." She said sternly, her sobs dieing off into rage.

"Alice. I.... am leaving. I can't stay here now, Alice. I hurt Renesmee. Who knows? I probably killed her too. But the problem is, Alice, I want more. Her blood was beautiful. It was even better than human blood, and now I want to finish her off, drink the rest. It's not safe for me to be here. Nobody wants me here." Alice was reluctant.

"I want you here. They'll keep her safe. Don't leave! I'll make it safe for us." She said begging.

"No, Alice! Just let me go. Let me do this." I said. I'd never been this angry in the last century, especially not at Alice. My feet pushed me forward, and past Alice, knocking her lightly as I walked. Her sobs began again. I turned to see her one last time before I left her. She was huddled on the ground, her hands holding her head.

"No…" She was sobbing. She was heartbroken. I, the love of her life, was leaving her for a destination unknown.

I almost ran down the stairs, and then waved Esme off as she stood to rush over to me. Emmett frowned and Rosalie glared at me whilst I walked down the last set of stairs, leaving the house. I slammed the door shut, sending vibrations up the side of the house. My initial thoughts were that Alice would join me, but her visions had confirmed her not leaving with me.

At this moment in time, I didn't mind it that much that she wasn't joining me. I knew however, that in at least thirty minutes time, I would be missing her more than anything in the entire world.


	4. Chapter 4

A shiver ran up my spine, not because I was cold, obviously, but because of the guilt I now felt. 'Right now, you're the only reason.' She was the only reason to be, and I let her down. She was the only reason to continue in this life. She was gone: I felt no real reason to continue. Alice would hate me now. Esme would. Everyone would. And they do. And there was nothing I could do to win back their trust. They were gone now. Forever.

It was about that time I believed it was the perfect time to visit the Volturi, yet Alice would see me. If she loved me, she'd stop me. If she didn't, she'd let me die. But then, what would happen if I didn't want to die by the time I got there? Then, they'd either kill me, or force me to join them. I wouldn't join the Volturi, even after what they did for me. For Maria and I.

That made me think, but not about the Volturi. The memories of Maria made me angry. My intentions had changed. Even if she was still alive, I wouldn't be able to join her again... Would I? Her lifestyle is so different to the one I've been trying to maintain. If I ever saw the Cullen's another time, there's no doubt that I'd kill Renesmee after Maria's lifestyle again.

No, I promised myself I would not return to Maria for obvious reasons. I wanted to remain Jasper Hale. Going back to her would make me Jasper Whitlock; Ex army officer and mass murderer. I don't want that again, but can those human temptations help me resist? I need to resist, but how? It's too difficult to decipher what I should do. The pain of even thinking about human blood is terrible. Maria and her 'League of Extraordinary Vampires' scarred me for life. Yes, I got two friends out of it, but I killed so many people, so many vampires.

Nothing can erase what happened back then, but everything can change what happens now. This decision is based wholly on me...


	5. Chapter 5

"Jasper?" The surprised hiss came from behind me.

Yes, I'd returned to Texas, the pain from my previous life here was unbearable, yet I returned.

"Maria." I answered, confirming her thoughts. I shook my head lightly thinking, 'Idiot, Why'd I bother coming back here?' It was too late to turn back now.

"Jasper, it's been quite a long time. Where did you get off too?" She asked immediately.

I stopped the steady breathing I'd kept, and thought of something to say. With the Cullen's? No. Peter and Charlotte? No. I don't want to get either of these families in trouble.

"Around." I mumbled, giving nothing away.

"I looked for you for 100 years, Jasper. You were nowhere. Whilst I was fighting... I needed you. I lost wars, Jasper! Where the hell were you?" I shook my head slowly, and she grabbed me by the forearm, her expression not too inviting.

"I'll get you to tell me, boy. But I guess you've come back for me though, right?" She said, moving in to kiss my cheek once lightly. I stayed, letting her do it, my expression cold. Again, Maria received no answer.

She dragged me back to the place we shared together those many hundreds of years ago. It was a long trek for a normal human being, but for Maria and me, it was nothing other than a twenty minute run.

It was a miniature stone castle. One that wouldn't attract much human attention, but one that was still attractive, that Maria liked a lot.

"I've missed you so much, Jasper." Maria said, opening the already unlocked door open for me.

"And I you." I lied. My expression was still hard. Still cold. She let me walk in first, and then as she entered, took off her jacket and threw it on the old striped couch to the right of her.

"Oh, Baby. I barely changed this place. I liked it 'cause it reminded me of you. I thought you were dead. I didn't want to lose you so abruptly." She said. I winced lightly when she said 'baby'. She didn't notice. "God, it's so great that you're back. Are you staying?" She asked, turning me around.

"I think so." I answered, cutting our gaze apart by looking down. She lifted my head up by my chin.

"What's wrong, Jasper?"

"It's nothing. I'm… uh, just hungry." I said. She grinned widely.

"Great, so am I. Let's go feast." She said. My eyes were so black she hadn't even noticed the golden tinge they used to have. I guess that I would never have that golden tinge again.

Those were the only memories of my time with Alice, the 'Golden Tinge' days. Now, I was flushing them away to make memories with Maria, the 'Red Tinge' days. My reminiscences of those first years with her struck me again, and I felt sick.


	6. Chapter 6

Walking through Texas these days is quite different to how it used to be. Due to the increasing amount of deaths, everyone is scared of everyone else. Everyone carries their bags ever so closely to their stomachs, protected tightly. And this was all because of Maria, and her murdering streak. It was at least one person per week. It was amazing.

We continued down the street, and she told me to sit and wait at a bus bench. She pushed onward down the street, walking directly towards a man. I heard their conversation well, though it was short.

"Hey babe." She said, locking her arms around his neck and kissing the man roughly. She pulled away, he was stunned. "Should we go somewhere more private?" Being a man, he immediately responded with a nod. Maria turned towards a dark alley, and ordered for me to follow.

I stood slowly, following her as ordered. Though I followed her slowly, by the time I turned into the alley, I was able to see this mans last few moments of life.

His hands were on her thighs, her skirt lifted up slightly. Her hands were on his neck, squeezing rather tightly. The males head was nested in her neck, kissing her roughly. Maria looked up and saw me, faking a moan. I was frowning heavily: this was a lot different to my, or anybody else who I'd seen Maria kill, death by a long shot. She grinned at me, and I felt her restraint, and the pain she was feeling in her throat. She found it difficult to restrain his scent, and killing him now.

That was when she pushed her head into his neck, baring her teeth. She bit him, moving her hand up to cover his mouth as she did. My eyes widened as I grew near. The male moved his hands from her thighs, and to her head, trying to pull her away. Maria's eyes caught mine as she feasted. She motioned towards his arm. I grabbed his arm, and bit into it, how James had done to Bella the first year her and Edward were dating.

As this mans blood trickled into my mouth, I groaned, and I heard Maria chuckle lightly. I clenched his arm, wanting more of his blood.

"No!" I heard the man scream through Maria's hand. It was hardly audible as he was rapidly losing blood. "Plea..." He said again, as I moved to his neck and Maria moved to his other arm.

Maria pulled away, leaving me still clinging onto this male, still sucking out his blood. He was trying to cling on to life, but I wasn't allowing it. I sucked out the rest of his blood from his neck, and then pulled away. His eyes were heavy, drooping. Maria was still connected to his wrist. She pulled away, and looked to me.

She kissed me, gathering a stream of blood that trickled down my mouth in the kiss. I kissed her back. It seemed this bloodlust made me feel for her. The kiss soon ended, and I walked towards the man.

"What next?" I said, kneeling beside him. "What to we do with the corpse?"

"Make it look like an animal attack, snap his neck, completely drain his blood, and dump him somewhere quiet." She said grinning.

"Oooh…" I said, taking his head into my hands. I ripped his head to the side and a loud snap erupted through the alleyway. The sound made me grin.

_Holy crap. Human blood is making me crave destruction. Making me drunk with power… I like that…_


	7. Chapter 7

Maria pulled me from the dead male grinning.

"Lovely." She said, looking between the man and myself. "hmmm… What do you think of this one Jasper?" She asked me.

"Hmm?" I said, a little distracted.

"As a fighter. What do you think? He's dead now, but if he were still alive…" She said with a grin that reached her eyes.

That's when it struck me. I realised what I'd just done. I realised that Alice would've seen me. I realised that I was sinking back into my old ways. She wanted to start another army, start another war. She wanted me back to be hers again… To be a fighter.

My silence continued for a while, so she hit my shoulder.

"Jazz, Hello? Still with me, love?" She said, and I shook my head, clearing all thoughts.

"Uh, yeah. I, uh… Maria, I don't know." I whispered. She slapped me across the face. A frown heavily creased my brow.

"What the hell do you mean by 'I don't know'?!" She questioned angrily. I looked down saddened. I thought for a moment, then looked up at her.

"No. I'm… uh, I'm fine. Let's just go… Now."

She was confused, and I knew that, despite the look on her face. She seemed to mask it well, but she'd obviously forgotten about my talent. I let it stay that way.

When we arrived back at our… home, I looked around. Everything was just stone. Just how I remembered it. She truly hadn't changed it. She walked me upstairs, and I was oblivious as to what she had planned.

Her hand was in mine. I was letting her hold my hand. Thoughts of Alice raced through my mind, but the one that stuck the longest was the one of disappointment and hatred. The one that said 'Don't come back.' The one that told me the woman I'd loved for years no longer loved me in return. No matter how hard my family would try, I wouldn't be able to go back to that because of the look on her face.

Her love was like a burning fire, and my ice cold actions put the fire out so quickly. So heartlessly.

"Jazzy? Are you okay?" She questioned. I was still deep in thought, I hadn't realised we were now in a room, a stone room. One that had just an old couch sitting over against the far wall, and a bookcase with books on… fighting? What the hell was she?

"Hmm? Oh, yes, I'm fine," I answered, my eyes avoiding hers, scanning the room for more. There were some closed double-doors to my left. I was curious as to what was in them, but before I could ponder anymore, Maria took hold of my jaw, and forced me to look into her eyes.

"Jasper, what's wrong with you today? You've barely heard a thing I've said!" That was true…

"Nothing," I lied.

"Okay then. I want to show you something." She said faintly, kissing my cheek lightly. I cringed lightly at the feel of her lips on my skin. The only person who'd done that in the last fifty years or so was Alice.

Again she broke my line of though by grabbing my hand and pulled me towards the closed doors.

Upon opening them, I saw what was really inside. It was shocking as to why Maria would do this to me. To us. Again. It was unbearable to see this. I didn't want to go there again, but she was forcing that upon me. How could she do that?

It wasn't something she'd considered however. She only saw what she wanted. And she wanted me for the rest of her life, but I wasn't sure that I could comply. I didn't want to do this again. I looked to Maria. She was grinning widely, the smile reaching her eyes once more. My mouth fell open, reaching a perfect 'o'.

I cringed at the sight before me.


End file.
